Throughout the years of retail, helping ladies like yourselves shop face-to-face, I have learned so much about human nature. So much about how interesting women are and just how much (no matter how different we look) we are SO very similar.
WE ALL HAVE INSECURITIES
From the confident twenty year old to the middle age woman struggling with her weight, beneath it all- it's the same issue. There might be more confidence exuding from one than the other, but within two or three outfits, the truth ALWAYS comes out. There is something that WE see when we look at ourselves that we THINK everyone sees too. That somehow, this "flaw" sticks out like a wart on the ends of our noses... that is somehow THE ONLY THING people see when they look at us. Which is so dumb! BUT, that still doesn't make us stop feeling it... does it?
Growing up I always had bangs. I thought I had a big forehead. Exceptionally big. LOL. I would never even consider NOT wearing my hair in front of it! It took lots of convincing by trusted friends to make me realize how ridiculous my insecurity about it was. Not that I don't have a big forehead, (I do:) BUT it's not half as big as I had convinced myself of! And more importantly, no one besides me notices it. So, now I wear my hair off my face when I want to, no longer have short bangs (the 80's called and thanked me) and have moved on and have found new things to be self conscious about! hahaha
The only difference between the 20 yr old college girls and the 30+ yr old moms is the additional ten plus years it took to break their confidence down even more. It's what we learn from family, from society. How do we deal with this lack of confidence? We find things to make us "feel" better in the short term. Sometimes that is a diet, new make up, botox, sarcasm... a smile that hides how you feel inside. Whatever it is, IT IS always going to be SOMETHING.
It's eliminating the times you feel this way that is key.
How do we accomplish this? Well, I don't think therapy will be needed on this one:) I am going to go the seemingly shallow route and say, after you are done with you soul searching... you need to be good with what you see in the mirror.
A very moderately confident women tries a few outfits on, and finally, after some time tells me, "I am ok with how I physically look, but I need to come out of my shell a little." I ask her, "you mean, have how you look represent YOU, your personality?"
Within minutes in front of a dressing room door, we discover that although aware of WHO she is, she just doesn't know how to bring that out; how to TAKE the time to pick out clothing that makes her feel amazing... and how to figure out just what that type of clothing that is to begin with. A VERY common problem to have, indeed.
COLOR, COMFORT, STYLE
"That color looks amazing on you" You've heard this before I'm sure. And I am sure you are aware of just what colors those are. Stay true to your color pallet but venture out in the patterns, fabrics and how it is all pulled together. Bottom line is that you are realistically not going to wear it if you don't feel comfortable in it. If you decide to wear it anyway, nine times out of ten, it will take a toll on you all day until you get home and out of it. You may not even ever wear it again because of your uncomfortable experience in it. This would be a shame, since it probably looks very good on you, you just were not in the mood for it THAT DAY. Styles should be selected according to your lifestyle and your body type. There are general "rules" about all of this, but at the end of the day, it's how YOU feel that matters. Rules are often made to be broken! :)
"I am a mom, my last son just went off to college. I know I physically look good for my age, but my kids have come first for the last twenty some years and unfortunately...
well, I haven't spent much time worrying about me.
Clothes have been clothes, I just throw them on and start the day.
Now, I want to feel good in them again."
Amen, woman! Now, let's figure this out together....
Continued on next week
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!